I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
