Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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