you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
