I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is classic penis vs brain.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
