I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize