I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
50% drunk capacity currently
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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