i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
