Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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