My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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