Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize