my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
