i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
