Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
