I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
