The maid of honor just puked.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
