Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
