P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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