I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
