So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
