It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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