If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
True college students do jello shots in the library
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