dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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