Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
