if i died would you start the facebook group?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
