they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize