I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
