then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
