my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize