This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize