I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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