Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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