Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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