Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
