It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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