Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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