I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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