I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
