girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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