Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
