Do vagina's smell?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
