dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
