Your face is a jimmy john
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
