There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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