Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
