So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
