i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
