dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
