i don't like sucking hair
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize