Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
