The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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