Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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