I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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