Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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