the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
