Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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