Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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