I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
