We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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