I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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