escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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