He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
