Soap is not a condiment
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
