I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
