operation have a gay friend backfired
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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