i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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