just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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