I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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