It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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