so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize