Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
