Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
