maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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