I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize