the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
