Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
