Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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