his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
