Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
