She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize