I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
