the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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